Thoughts on Racism and Ignorance.

I know it has been a while sense I have posted anything. The truth is in recent years I have become more picky about what types of thoughts and ideas I post online. As someone working in the public school system I feel that it is important to be a responsible consumer of the internet and social media. With that in mind I want to assure anyone who is about to read this post that it has been constructed with a great deal of thought and care. I also want to say that what you are about to read is my personal attempt to work through my own thoughts, feelings and attitudes about the topics I am about to address. I realize that I am not an authority on anyone but myself and would never intentionally presume to be otherwise.

This morning as I was taking my wife to work I had a lot of things running through my head. As is so often the case my mind wondered between things going on at work and my personal life at home. In the process I began to have some disturbing thoughts and came to some hurtful conclusions. I’m not sure why but this morning it hit me, someday, when Tiffany and I have children they are going to experience things that I cannot begin to understand. I began to think about how one day when my wife and I have kids I hope we are living close to her brother and his wife because I realized that at some point I am really going to need his help. No matter how much my children will look like me or my wife all some people will see is how much they look like their grandfather. I won’t know what to say to them when someone decides they look suspicious and follows them around the store for seemingly no reason at all. I won’t know what to tell them if they ask me why it doesn’t happen to me.  It drives me nuts and the thought of not knowing what to say or do hurts me more than I can fully understand. What is even more hurtful is wondering what they will feel when they have to experience racism for the first time without me there to protect them.

In the 14 months that Tiffany and I have been married and the nine months we dated I have experienced racism first hand. I have watched white people follow my wife around stores as though she were about to rob them. I have watched white women look at both Tiffany and I then make a show of locking their cars as though they would have something we would want to steal. I have walked into stores and restaurants with Tiffany and noticed the disapproving stares of both black and white men, initially it bothered me. I stood next to Tiffany once in a checkout line and watched in shock as the black cashier hit on my wife (then girlfriend) as though I weren’t even there, as though because she looked more like him he had more of a right to do so.

There is part of me that would love to be an idealist and say that we have progressed farther than we actually have. I feel conflicted because I don’t know who specifically to blame. Ultimately, as a Christian I believe that sin is to blame for racism and bigotry. From my perspective, I feel that the uncomfortable reality is there are things about ourselves, thoughts, feelings and attitudes that we are not always proud of and would prefer to forget or ignore. On some level, in some way I believe that we all bear some responsibility for what is going on now and where we are as a culture/society.

In recent years one of the most important lessons I have learned with regard to working through my own ignorance and bigotry is the need to be painfully honest with myself, facing the uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and attitudes I have is essential to overcoming and working through them. I think the line between racism and ignorance is probably thinner than most white people would like to admit and wider than most black people would like to acknowledge. While I believe that certain aspects of racism are plain and simple, because racism is also a highly charged, emotional issue it has an unquantifiable degree of complexity that requires one to address it with sensitivity, vulnerability and honesty.

I feel that if I am going to be a responsible person, a responsible husband and one day a responsible father, I have to acknowledge that there are going to be things my wife and our children will experience that I will never fully understand simply because I am white. There have been and will continue to be times when the reactions of other people to my wife because of her ethnicity will fill me with anger, hurt, disgust, disappointment, contempt and even fear. But like I tell my student so frequently, emotions in and of themselves aren’t bad. It’s what you do with those emotions that determine whether they are good or bad.

Lately I have been doing a series of lessons called “The Seven Habits of Happy Kids”. The first habit is “Be Proactive”. When I explain this concept to my students I emphasize the importance of self-control and the role it plays in our success. I explain that while many things are out of our control, if we do a good job with those things that we can control we will be successful. I often point out that in many cases all we can control is ourselves and it is our job to do so. Maybe on some level there will always be ignorance in the world, if that is the case than I am responsible for not adding to it. In the end that is all I can control. In the end that is all that you can control, so are you?

The Little Scorpion & the Butterfly - A Children's Story.

                A Little Scorpion lived in a big, thick, beautiful forest. It was full of big, beautiful trees and all kinds of streams and rivers that broke up the forest floor. Where there weren’t rivers and streams; leaves covered the forest floor which provided places for critters such as scorpions to hide and play around. Now this scorpion, from all outward appearances was pretty ordinary. The Little Scorpion had the same features of any other scorpion such as six legs, claws, and a tail with a stinger on the tip. In fact from all outward appearances this scorpion seemed to be pretty average. This scorpion wasn’t unique or special in terms of its color. It was a typical, run of the mill, brown scorpion, like the ones you might find in North America. What made this scorpion different however, was the fact that this scorpion was a dreamer. This particular scorpion would spend hours dreaming of traveling to far off places, places that no other scorpion had ever seen before. He also dreamed of seeing sights and sounds that most other scorpions couldn’t even imagine.  

                One day while the scorpion was playing around in the forest with its friends it discovered a large wooden box. Being the adventurous type the Little Scorpion decided to investigate the inside of the   box. Then suddenly, just as the scorpion had found its way into the box it began to move. Although the Little Scorpion didn’t know it at the time, all of its dreams were about to come true. The little Scorpion was getting ready to have an adventure that it would never forget.

The journey was long and although it wasn’t particularly hard on the Little Scorpion, there were times when it found itself wondering if the journey would ever come to an end. After what seemed like forever, without any warning, the journey was over. The wooden box that the Little Scorpion sneaked into finally reached its destination. Because the scorpion didn’t know where the shipping container was headed, it didn’t have any expectations about what the destination might be, or what it might look like. Oh, sure, the Little Scorpion had wondered and even dreamed, just like before. Even so, nothing could have prepared the Little Scorpion for what it was going to encounter in this new place. This new place was very different from the forest where it had lived its entire life.

                As the Little Scorpion began to climb out of the large wooden box everything seemed strange and new. The Little Scorpion didn’t recognize anything. Everywhere it went it encountered something new and exciting. Eventually the Little Scorpion found a place to hide while it slowly tried to learn about its new environment. A couple of times out of curiosity the Little Scorpion wondered away from its hiding place and each time it got lost because nothing about its new environment was familiar. The air smelled different, the sun was at a different place in the sky than the Little Scorpion was used to seeing it. In all of the Little Scorpion’s exploring it couldn’t seem to find any leaves to hide under or play around in. The Little Scorpion seemed to recognize some of the creatures that it encountered. Still most of them looked very different compared to what it was used to seeing in the forest. All of these new creatures acted so strangely, even the ones that seemed familiar. On any given day the scorpion could be surprise multiple times by the behaviors of the creatures that lived in the surrounding area. And did I mention the food? In many instances the scorpion struggle to figure out what to eat or how to locate anything to eat. When the scorpion finally did figure out what to eat it usually had a peculiar smell or strange taste. Mostly it was just different. 

                One day while the Little Scorpion was bravely exploring this new place it noticed a Butterfly that had been hovering over the area. The Little Scorpion watched until finally the Butterfly landed a short distance away. The Little Scorpion was desperate for a friend and decided to investigate. As the Little Scorpion neared the place where the Butterfly had landed it began to see just how brilliant and beautiful the Butterfly really was. “This Butterfly is truly amazing” thought the Little Scorpion to itself.  This Butterfly was unlike any Butterfly the Little Scorpion had ever seen before. It was sky blue and neon pink with silver mixed in different spots. It was almost as if someone had taken the two colors along with the silver and twirled them together before gently laying them on the Butterfly’s wings. Oh, and the wings. They were enormous! As the scorpion got closer the Butterfly flew away. As the Butterfly flew away the Little Scorpion could not help but admired the graceful way it floated through the air. Although the Butterfly was very beautiful, the Little Scorpion never expected to see it again. 

                A very short time later as the Little Scorpion was once again out exploring and traveling about in its new surroundings the Butterfly reappeared. For some strange reason this time the Butterfly seemed oddly drawn to the simple Little Scorpion. It gently floated down and began a conversation. Without any explanation, rhyme or reason, the two of them hit it off and became instant friends. The Little Scorpion and the Butterfly spent hours with each other talking and playing with each other. They were a very odd sight to see. The Little Scorpion found the Butterfly to be very helpful, because the Little Scorpion was new to the area. There were all kinds of things that it didn’t know, so when the Little Scorpion had a question, it would ask the Butterfly who very kindly answered each and every time. Because the Butterfly could get up high off of the ground if the Little Scorpion got lost or needed help locating something the Butterfly would hover just above it and lead the way. 

                The Butterfly also helped the Little Scorpion by teaching it about hidden dangers. One of those hidden dangers was which water sources were okay to drink from. Back in the forest the Little Scorpion could drink from whichever water source was most convenient. In this new and strange place some water sources could make you really sick. Another hidden danger was hiding places. Some hiding places weren’t as safe as they seemed to be. The Butterfly once told the Little Scorpion about a friend who walked into a little black box because it smelled some food. The Butterfly’s little friend never came out. Although the Butterfly wasn’t sure what happened, it warned the Little Scorpion that it should probably stay away from places where food seemed to be hidden. 

The Little Scorpion was very grateful for all of the Butterfly’s help and wanted to do something in return to show its appreciation. One day the Little Scorpion decided to ask the Butterfly if there was anything it could do to in return for all of the kindness that the Butterfly had shown the Little Scorpion. The Butterfly thought for a minute and then said “Well, there is this one thing that I could use some help with but I’m not sure if there’s anything you can do.” 

“What is it?” the Little Scorpion asked eagerly. One of the Butterfly’s friends, a moth, had recently gotten caught in a spider web and the Butterfly didn’t know how to free them. The Butterfly was very scared for its friend and didn’t know what to do. Without hesitation the Little Scorpion asked the Butterfly to lead way to the spider’s web. 

On the way to free the Butterfly’s friend the Little Scorpion assured the Butterfly that everything would be okay. “I’ve my fair share if encounters with spiders and I know just how to free your friend” said the Little Scorpion. “But I don’t think you have ever faced a spider quite like this one” said the Butterfly. The Little Scorpion reassured the Butterfly that it could handle the situation and tried to encourage the Butterfly not to worry. When they finally arrived at the spider’s web the Little Scorpion tried not to show any sign of fear. The Little Scorpion took a long hard look at the spider’s web to try and determine the best way to free the moth. The reason the Little Scorpion was studying the spider web so carefully was because it knew that as soon as it tried to set the moth free the spider would feel the vibrations in the web and come to see what was going on. So being able to set the moth free quickly was very important. 

After looking at the web for what seemed like an eternity to the Butterfly the Little Scorpion came up with a plan for setting the moth free. The Little Scorpion told the Butterfly exactly where it would cut the spider’s web so that the moth could go free. The Little Scorpion told the Butterfly to be ready to swoop in and rescue the moth. If the spider came out and tried to do something the Little Scorpion told the Butterfly that it would keep the spider busy until they could get away safely. The Butterfly was reluctant because it didn’t want the Little Scorpion to get hurt. The Little Scorpion convinced the Butterfly that there was nothing to worry about. 

Moments later the Little Scorpion leaped in to action. The Little Scorpion began snipping parts of the spider’s web. Immediately the spider came out of hiding to find out what was going on. Before the spider knew what was going on the Little Scorpion had freed the moth from the spider’s web. Unable to get to the moth before it could get away the spider turned its attention to the Little Scorpion. The Spider chased after the Little Scorpion in an attempt to get revenge for freeing the moth but the Little Scorpion was too fast for the spider. 

When everyone was safe the moth thanked the Little Scorpion for saving its life and the Butterfly thanked the Little Scorpion too. As the Little Scorpion was catching its breath it noticed something. There was another shipping container just like the one it had traveled in when the Little Scorpion began its adventure. Curious about where the shipping container could take it next the Little Scorpion said good bye to the Butterfly and the moth before entering the crate. A few minutes later the crate was picked up by a large machine and off it went. As the crate began its journey to its next destination with the Little Scorpion inside it noticed that it had changed. The Little Scorpion walked over to a piece of shiny metal where it could see its reflection. As the Little Scorpion carefully studied its appearance it discovered the imprint of a Butterfly on its back. Apparently the Little Scorpion’s friendship with the Butterfly had quite literally made an impression on the Butterfly. As the Little Scorpion set out on its new journey it reflected on all of the lessons it had learned from the Butterfly and wondered if it had left its own impression on the Butterfly.

Wish

When I was young I once was told

An interesting saying that is very old

Be careful what you wish for

Because it might come true

I got my wish and now I don’t know what to do

Right now I’m missing my amour

My mood is turning blue

I thought I wanted time away

But now I’m finding life alone is no longer my forte

If absence makes the heart grow fonder

Is it okay to wish and wonder

Wonder if she misses me

Wish that we might someday be

More than just a wild dream

Reunite and form a perfectly wacky team

Vanished

Have you ever met a flower that only bloomed for you?

I think I met one once, I knew not what to do

In the blink of an eye she had gone away

At first I knew not what to say

And then I knelt on bended knee so I could think and pray

Sometimes I hear her in a whisper

Oh how much I truly miss her

Ah the bliss of just one kiss

Who knew a broken heart could feel like this?

The Scorpion & the Butterfly (Part 2)

As their friendship continued to blossom days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Through the course of time the scorpion and the butterfly got to know each other pretty well. They spent hours talking about everything and nothing. They would play games and chase each other around. Every now and then their games would get a little out of control and inevitably one of them would get hurt. They also discovered that from time to time their natural instincts would override their better judgment causing one or both of them to act irrationally and unpredictably. Sometimes the butterfly would fly away and not come back for long periods of time because, after all, that is what butterflies tend to do. Still whenever that would happen the scorpion would find it very hurtful. Sometimes the butterfly would fly so far away that the scorpion half expected never to see the butterfly again. It never occurred to the scorpion that a butterfly staying in one place for long periods of time was pretty odd, let alone staying in one place to spend time with a scorpion. Very seldom do they stay in one place for very long unless they are resting their wings or feeding. Sometimes when the butterfly would get too close for very long the scorpion would try to pinch with its claws or strike at the butterfly with its tail. Occasionally the butterfly would not react fast enough and get injured. Then the scorpion would feel bad and apologize for what happened.

Although the scorpion and the butterfly knew that they were very different from each other the scorpion and the butterfly never seemed to pay too much attention to that fact, which may have been why they had problems from time to time. Outside observers didn’t understand how they could ignore their differences but the scorpion and the butterfly didn’t care. Maybe if the scorpion and the butterfly had done a better job of listening to their friends and others who observed their friendship they wouldn’t have hurt each other so much and some of the pain and injuries they experienced could have been avoided. When it came to their friendship the scorpion and the butterfly seemed to be oblivious to the implications of such a friendship. From the scorpion's perspective the friendship was one of those little unexpected, happy accidents. The scorpion didn’t question their friendship; the scorpion simply chose to accept it.

One day the scorpion was traveling about, going on with its normal routine as usual when it began to wonder “Why are the butterfly and I friends?” “How long can this continue?” “Is this friendship going to last?” To the scorpion those were very intriguing questions, questions that needed to be answered. So the scorpion thought, and thought, and thought some more. The scorpion talked things over with its friends and got all kinds of answers but nothing definite or unified. There was no consensus among the scorpion’s friends as to the questions that had come up. Eventually the scorpion came to its own conclusions and confronted the butterfly the very questions that had caused the scorpion so much concern. The butterfly was shocked and didn’t know what to say. At this point I feel that it is important to point out something that you might not know and that is that scorpions can be the most impulsive creatures you will ever meet. So when the butterfly said nothing at first the scorpion reacted impulsively and shared its conclusions with the butterfly. This impulsive act only served to further stun and confuse the butterfly even more. You see butterflies are not nearly as impulsive as scorpions. Butterflies like to float around and think about things before jumping to conclusions. If you wanted to compare the two another way in this case you could say that scorpions have a switch with two positions the first position is “off”, and the second position is “fast.” Butterflies on the other hand have a switch with at least three positions, maybe four. The first position just like with scorpions is “off”, the second position is “slow”, the third position is “medium”, and the fourth position is “fast.” However, I would like to point out that in the case of butterflies “fast” is hardly ever used if at all. A butterflies two favorite positions are slow and medium. Butterflies just don’t tent to act or make decisions quickly and impulsively.

When the discussion was over the only thing that the scorpion and the butterfly could agree on was that neither one of them would do anything for a while until both of them could come to an understanding about the issues that had been raised. After all the butterfly agreed that the question the scorpion had been asking were valid and certainly deserved to be answered. The butterfly was just unwilling to jump to any sort of conclusion and make snappy judgment. The butterfly was also a little scared that the scorpion could operate and act so quickly without taking what seemed to be a reasonable amount of time to think things over. The scorpion found itself frustrated with how slow the butterfly seemed to respond and react. Even so the scorpion made more of an effort to see things from the butterfly’s perspective. The scorpion worked hard at being more patient with the butterfly knowing full well that in the end, the butterfly still may not agree with the conclusions that the scorpion had reached. 

The Scorpion & the Butterfly (Part 1).

Have you ever heard the saying “opposites attract”? Well what could be more opposite than a scorpion and a butterfly? Oh, sure there are plenty of things that would make better examples but, I’m not sure many of them would make for an interesting story and boy do I have one for you! The story begins with the scorpion. Now this scorpion from all outward appearances was pretty ordinary. The scorpion had the typical features of any other scorpion such as six legs, claws, and a tail with a stinger on the tip. This scorpion wasn’t unique in terms of its color or species. It was a typical brown scorpion, like the ones you might find in North America. What made this scorpion different was the fact that it was a dreamer. This particular scorpion dreamed of traveling to far off places and seeing things that most other scorpions had never seen before.

One day the scorpion finally got a chance to make all of its dreams become a reality. The scorpion found its way into a shipping container and off it went. It was an adventure the scorpion would never forget. The journey was long and although it wasn’t particularly hard on the scorpion there were times when the scorpion found itself wondering when the journey would come to an end and then all of a sudden the journey was over. The shipping container that the scorpion had snuck into had finally reached its destination. Because the scorpion didn’t know where the shipping container was headed it didn’t have any expectations about the destination. Oh, sure, the scorpion had wondered about what the final stop might look like. The scorpion had dreamed about the different possibilities. Even so nothing could have prepared the scorpion for what it was going to encounter in this new place because it was so very different from where the scorpion had lived its entire life.

Everything was strange and new to the scorpion. The terrain was unlike anything the scorpion had ever encountered before. Even after the scorpion finally found a place to live it kept getting lost because nothing about its new environment was familiar. The air smelled different, the sun was at a different place in the sky than the scorpion was used to seeing it. The native creatures that the scorpion encountered looked similar to what it was used to seeing where it had grown up but they all acted so strangely. On any given day the scorpion could be surprised or caught off guard repeatedly by the behaviors of the creatures that lived in the surrounding area. And did I mention the food? In many instances the scorpion struggled to figure out what to eat or how to locate anything to eat. When the scorpion finally did figure out what to eat, it usually had a peculiar smell or strange taste. Mostly it was just different.

One day while exploring this new place the scorpion noticed a butterfly because it had been hovering over the area and finally landed a short distance away. Deciding to investigate the scorpion gradually got closer to the butterfly. As the scorpion neared where the butterfly had landed it began to see just how brilliant and beautiful the butterfly really was. This butterfly was truly a sight to behold. It was unlike any butterfly the scorpion had ever seen before. It was sky blue and neon pink with silver spots. The sky blue and neon pink seemed to intermingle, almost as if God had taken the two colors, twirled them together and then gently laid them on the butterfly’s wings. Oh, and the wings. They were enormous! As the scorpion got closer the butterfly flew away. As the butterfly flew away the scorpion admired the grace and elegance with which it floated through the air. Although the butterfly was a beautiful sight to behold the scorpion never expected to encounter it again.

A few weeks later as the scorpion was traveling about in its new surroundings when much to its delight the butterfly reappeared. This time the butterfly seemed oddly drawn to the simple little scorpion and they began to talk. Without any explanation, rhyme or reason the two of them hit it off and became instant friends. The scorpion and the butterfly spent hours with each other talking and carrying on. Their friends had no idea what to make of it. After all what do a scorpion and a butterfly have to talk about? The truth was that it was as much a mystery to the scorpion and the butterfly as it was to their friends. Neither the scorpion nor the butterfly understood the connection that they had or why it was there, they only knew that it was.